Sunday, September 19, 2010

Rainbow after the storm

I know the news has been out for a while now that we are expecting another baby, our Rainbow. A child after a loss is named a Rainbow child. You can understand as after a storm hits the beauty of a rainbow brings peace. When you see the rainbow, you know that it is a sign from God that things will be better. After all, HE made that promise to Noah after HE made it rain for forty days and forty nights and HE flooded the earth. As a sign of the covenant God made to Noah that HE would not destroy the earth by flooding it again, God created the rainbow.

The storm that we have weathered tore us down. I know I had my moments when my faith was tested. And now, we have done the clean up. I know I have begun to see that there are things in my life that will never be the same no matter how much I would like to turn back the hands of time. I have come to realize that there are going to still be days when it will be hard. I just have to deal with those days. There are moments that to others may seem like nothing but to me will hurt because they will be moments that I will never have with Lukas. I have learned that there are still people that are uncomfortable with our loss. I have to accept that. I have accepted that the old me will never return.

Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful that we have been blessed. I know that E is too. But, we are now down a path that is familiar yet unknown. It is a very scary one.

We still miss Lukas very much. He is still very much a part of our lives. There is no replacing him. We know he is with us. We know that he is watching from above. I can't wait to find out if he will be getting a little brother or sister although almost everyone has said that it will be a girl. I checked the Chinese calendar and that too has said girl.

So tune in after October 4th to find out which way the odds went.